Pathetic
by Sarali1983
Summary: She has a date with him. Not me, him. I wish I wouldn't have those feelings toward her, they make me feel pathetic. A little two-shot from Booth's POV
1. Chapter 1

She has a date. With him. They're going to have dinner tonight. Together. The two of them. No matter how many times I try to reformulate this concept, it doesn't make it easier. Actually, just the idea of it makes me want to rip him apart in two halves, with the same chain saw Howard Epps used on his wife. Yeah I know, I'm pathetic.

I watch her as she's grooming herself in her office, making herself beautiful, as if it was possible to be more beautiful than what nature had made her. She's wearing that very nice red dress, the one I bought for her in Vegas, and I have to calm down before I have a nervous breakdown at the thought that he is the one who'll get to take that dress off of her tonight. Not me, him. Hell, like I could hope anything like that. I told you I was pathetic.

She raises her head to meet my eyes, and with a shy smile, ask me if I think she looks good. How do I tell her that good doesn't even begin to cover it? That she's just stunning? That I feel like if I look at her a minute longer I will burn from the sin of laying my miserable eyes on the true meaning of Beauty? Instead, I just tell her that she looks great, and throw her a charm smile. It became pretty useful, the charm smile, I don't have to work on it, so when I'm just too stunned to think, I do it. Reflex. Took me out of many embarrassing moments those past two years.

She thanks me and stands up from her desk chair, takes her purse and goes out of her office after wishing me a goodnight, and I can't even bring myself to answer the same, because I definitely do not want her night to be good. Call it selfish, but that's all I have, the hope he'll bore her to death.

I turn around on my heels to follow her silhouette, stepping out of her office. My eyes never leave her swaying hips, and to each noise of her stilettos answers a twinge in my heart.

"You really do love her." It's not a question, it's a statement.

I turn around and enter Bones' office once more, avoiding Camille and the questioning I know will follow.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I head toward Bone's desk.

"Don't play dumb with me, Seeley."

"Quit calling me Seeley." The words come out of my mouth between gritted teeth. She really didn't choose the best moment to grill me.

"Quit lying about your feelings toward Dr Brennan, then."

I lay my hands on the desk, and struggle very hard not to yell at her. It would be such an easy way to get freed from my anger to discharge it on her.

"What do you want me to say? That I love her? That not a minute of my god dammed life goes by that is not spent thinking of her? That it's so damn painful to be around her all day without her knowing my feelings for her I sometimes wish I could be shot in the head to be pulled out of my misery?"

I cant' help but yell, now. I have two years of frustration to release.

"I can't say it, Cam, ok? I can't because there's those fucking high risk situations for both of us, and I won't endanger her life to satisfy my pitiful little feelings. I cant' because that stupid prick makes her happy, and if I really do love her I have to be happy for her. And that means shutting my goddam feelings down. So quit pissing me off with it, ok?"

"I… forgot my cell phone…" Oh God…

I abruptly turn around as if thunder has striked me. Which might actually have happened for all I know. Since when is she here? Where is Cam? From what moment did she hear? Did she get that I just confess my undying love for her? I can't say anything and keep on staring at her as she goes through her office and picks up her cell on her desk.

"You… should probably tell her."

What?

"The woman you love. You should tell her."

My jaw hits the floor. How can she possibly say that? Does that mean… She comes toward me and I feel her hand softly cupping my cheek. Her eyes are full of concern.

"Any woman would be happy to have you, Booth. You're a good man."

Her smile is meant to be reassuring.

"Whoever she is, I'm sure she won't reject you. So go tell her, ok? I don't want my best friend to suffer."

She caresses my cheek with her thumb once more before turning around and leaving.

From the heat of it, I can say my cheeks are now redder than her dress. Pathetic.

**To Be Continued...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow, I can safely say that i didn't expect so many reviews and alerts! True, it might not seem that much for many of you, but for me, it's wow. I kind of have a rule: a nice story gets about ten reviews by chapter. And I got seven in less than three hours, so I'm really happy Thank you guys so much! Now on with the fic:**

I'm lying on my couch, hopelessly trying to watch the TV. The cold of the ice bag against my head supposed to sooth the bruises from slamming it against the wall too many times in celebration of my stupidity doesn't help me to focus. I flinch slightly in pain as I grab the remote once more to change the channel. It's already eleven, and surely she's still with him. Maybe they're in bed, making love like I'll never get the chance to do with her. God, I really _have_ to stop this kind of thoughts! I'm sure I've proved many times that they're not healthy, and once again the pain on my head charges to remind me how much.

As I try to focus on the game that is now playing, I hear a knock on the door. Perplex on who it might be this late, I put the ice bag down on the coffee table and go to open the door. Saying that I'm surprised to find her on the other side would be an understatement. What is she doing here?

"Were you speaking of me?"

What? I must look dumb because she feels the need to elaborate.

"In my office, earlier, were you speaking of me?"

I panic, big time. What am I supposed to answer? I choose the safest option.

"Uh… No."

"Oh."

I can't say if she's disappointed or if it's just surprise.

"Well I'm sorry I disturbed you this late. I guess I'll see you on Monday."

She turns around to leave. I can't watch her leave and do nothing about it, not this time. I don't know why but my guts ache so hard I know I have to stop her.

"Wait!"

She turns around and looks at me. Once more, I can't say what she's thinking, nor if it's good or bad that I can't. But I need to know. Now.

"What if it were you?"

"What do you mean?"

"What if it were you I was speaking about? What if it were you I'm in love with?"

Her eyes are boring holes through me, as if they were trying to reach my soul. I'm sure she noticed that my heart has started to beat faster. Still she says nothing and comes inside my house. My heart stops when her bare arm brushes my chest. She makes a few steps inside, still quiet. She looks like she's lost in her thoughts. Suddenly she looks up at me, straight in the eyes.

"He proposed."

I'm ready to faint. My voice is caught in my throat as I try to ask her to repeat what I'm dreading I've heard, and I make a strangled noise. She catches the sign of it though.

"He asked me to marry him."

I can finally get myself to say something.

"Congratulations." I can't help my voice to sound as grim as I feel.

"There's nothing to congratulate me about, it's not going to happen."

Now I'm completely lost. I don't know if I feel happy, sad, sceptical, surprised or what. It's like everything left inside me. For once, I'm the one who doesn't know what that means.

"Why?"

She keeps quiet for a few second that seem like an eternity to me, her eyes focused on the floor. I can say she's trying to find the right words to explain.

"I realised he's not the one I want to spend my life with."

I don't dare answering anything to that statement, and wait for her to go on – for she HAS to elaborate that declaration! She raises her head and dives her eyes into mines, like she wants them to convey whatever is in her mind – or her heart for that matter – to me.

"I realised he's not the one I want to wake up next to every morning, nor the one I want to ask what we're going to have dinner to."

She makes a step toward me, and my breathing becomes shallow.

"Nor the one I want to make love to me – for the rest of my life."

One more step – I gulp.

"I realised he didn't know me well enough to know I didn't believe in marriage."

One more. I can feel the heat emanating from her, a sweet, warm feeling. Her voice is only a whisper now, and I know I wouldn't hear it if she wasn't that close to me – which only makes me more nervous.

"But most of all, I realised he definitely wasn't the one I wanted to talk me into believing in marriage."

She keeps on staring at me as I panic, for I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. Is she saying what I think she's saying? Or is she just informing me of her break up? I don't know Bones for being very subtle, so all the possibilities start running through my head and I begin to feel dizzy, when she feels the need to clarify:

"But you are."

My heart explodes, liberating the thousands of butterflies who were hiding there, and they fly freely all across my body. Though it was very clear to me when I was speaking with Cam earlier that night, I can't even start to form a coherent thought about why I shouldn't let her know my feelings for her. Bells are ringing in my head as I'm hearing the choirs of Hallelujah: _Bones loves me. Bones loves me. Bones loves me._ My body act on his own will and I wrap my arms around her, lower my head very slowly as she raises her own, and our lips meet halfway in an oh so gentle kiss. She shivers in my arms and moan against my mouth as I deepen the kiss, meeting her tongue in her hot, wet mouth. Very strangely, I know exactly what she's feeling, for it's like I'm cold from the emotion and hot from desire altogether. When I finally manage to release the sweetness of her mouth and open my eyes, I can't help but wonder:

"So, what do we do now?"

She chuckles, and it sounds like a cascade of glass bells to me.

"Well, now, you are going to gather me in your arms and take me to your bedroom. And there, you are going to take that dress off of me, and make love to me all night like no one ever did." Okay, that was a stupid question!

I'm more than eager to do as I'm told, and on my way to heaven, I can't help but feel triumphant: _who's got the girl now? Ha!_ Gosh! Pathetic. But you know what? It has never made me that happy to be pathetic.

**The End :)**


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